I am looking across the room at an “Oprah Chai” ad, and I must admit I am extremely curious to know what “Oprah Chai” tastes like. I like chai, and I find it a tad amusingly ridiculous that Starbucks currently has an “Oprah” drink, whatever that is even supposed to mean. But I stubbornly refuse to try it.
I stubbornly refuse to try it because these stupid promotional charity things are utter bullshit. How rich is Oprah? How rich is Starbucks? If either of them want to do some extra good in the world, they can take it out of their own pocket, not mine. And it is obviously coming from my pocket, as the donation per cup is only $0.25—and what do you know? The drink itself costs $0.20-$0.40 more than a normal chai! Ok, maybe there is something truly special about it which makes it a cent pricier to produce… But seriously, what kind of idiots do they take us to be?
I’m sick of “buy X and we’ll donate Y” campaigns. Donate a flat % of your sales or a flat % of your profits or give to random causes irregularly if you please. And sure, you can even brag about it a bit. It’s sort of cheap if your supply chains aren’t completely ethically sourced, but I suppose an ounce of good is better than none at all. But don’t pretend your ability to give rides on whether I’m willing to buy something special for your mission of the day. Buying things enriches other people—and to some extent, helps our economy generally—but it is not a good way to support a cause. If you want to help people, donate the $3 or $5 or $20 you were going to spend on something you didn’t need but wanted to buy to feel like a better person.
If there’s no easy way around it, I’m not going to stand firm in some boycott against these charity products, but I think there is something useful about avoiding them when we can. It helps keep us from the delusion that consumerism is somehow charitable, and it helps also squash the desires of corporate executives, who would love all the PR and good feelings that come from tossing pennies at problems and thinking that we’re “all in this together” or something. No, you and your customers couldn’t be more different in their economic situations and ability to make a difference. While it’s true that working together ordinary people can still do great things, it is a disgusting for corporate America to solicit donations from their customers via these products. Quit acting like you need our help to get something done. Make your own change without me, and I’ll make mine without you. And if you really want to rock the world, start with your salary. Maybe when the situation is a little more equitable we can finally be true partners in fixing our world’s problems.
